Everyone loves a good laugh so make the season a little more fun with a few jokes. Here are 250 great Halloween Jokes complete with the Top 40!
Top 40
1. What is a zombie’s favorite appetizer? Finger food!
2. Where do deviled eggs come from? Evil hens.
3. Why don't skeletons like Halloween candy? They don't have the stomach for it.
4. Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
5. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
6. Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
7. What's a witch's favorite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
8. What's a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
9. What genre of music does a mummy like the best? Wrap!
10. What do skeletons order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
11. What monster plays tricks on Halloween? Prank-enstein!
12. How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!
13. What do you call a desert-dwelling witch? A sand-witch.
14. What happens when pumpkins drink alcohol? They get smashed.
15. How did the zombie become great at trick or treating? Dead-ication.
16. How do gourds grow big and strong? Pumpkin iron.
17. What do Italian ghosts have for dinner? Spook-hetti!
18. How do you know if a zombie likes someone? They ask for seconds.
19. What kind of bread do zombies like? Whole brain.
20. Who's the scariest body builder of all time? Dr. Frankenstein.
21. Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely? The crossing gourd.
22. Why are vampires bad at art? They are only able to draw blood.
23. Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
24. What is a ghost’s favorite position to play in hockey? Ghoulie.
25. What does a French skeleton say? Bone-jour!
26. Where do ghosts buy their Halloween candy? At the ghost-ery store!
27. Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
28. What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A night-mare
29. Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.
30. What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
31. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
32. What’s a vampire’s least-favorite food? Stake.
33. What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
34. What is a skeleton's favorite instrument? A trom-bone.
35. How did the real estate agent sell a home with a dozen witches in the bathtub? “It comes complete with a self-cleaning coven.”
36. How does a witch style her hair? With scare spray.
37. What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
38. What kind of monster loves to disco? The boogieman.
39. What does a turkey dress up as on Halloween? A goblin.
40. What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween? Wait for it … it will dawn on you.
Ghosts
How do ghosts do their makeup before they go out trick or treating? They use vanishing cream.
Where do ghosts like to trick or treat? At dead ends.
What is a ghoul's favorite candy flavor? Lemon and slime.
What is a baby ghost's favorite game to play on Halloween? Peek-a-boo.
Which type of pants do ghosts wear to trick or treat? Boo jeans.
What happens if you forget to pay your exorcist? You get repossessed.
What do ghosts order at the bar? Boos. And then they leave sheet-faced.
What do kid ghosts tell around the campfire? Scary human stories.
Where do ghosts buy their Halloween candy? At the ghost-ery store!
What do ghosts give out to trick or treaters? Booberries!
Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.
What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers.
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation? The Dead Sea.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite drink? Anything with boos.
Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.
What's a ghost's favorite dessert? I-Scream!
How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo hooing.
Where do toddler ghosts stay when their parents are at work? Day scare!
How can you tell if a ghost is scared? He’s white as a sheet.
How do you know you've been ghosted? The poltergeist doesn't text you back.
What's a ghost's favorite play? Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car? Fasten your sheet-belts.
What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A night-mare
What room does a ghost not need in a house? A living room.
How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.
What room will you never find in a ghost’s house? A living room.
What is a ghost’s favorite position to play in hockey? Ghoulie.
Why did the headless horseman go to school? To get ahead in life.
Who should you hire to write a book about Halloween? A ghost writer.
What do ghost brides carry on their wedding day? Boo-quets.
What’s the best compliment to give a vampire? “You suck.”
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? They have a lot of spirit!
What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers.
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
What do Italian ghosts have for dinner? Spook-hetti!
What did the mommy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting? “Spook when you’re spooken to.”
What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurry? Spooktacles.
Why do female ghosts go on a diet? So they can keep their ghoulish figure.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo!
How do ghosts get their hair to stay in place? They use scare-spray.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
Mummies
Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.
What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music.
Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch? He couldn’t spell.
Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
How do mummies tell their future? They read their horror-scope.
Where does a mummy go on vacation? The Dead Sea.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What genre of music does a mummy like the best? Wrap!
Vampires
What do vampires take to get around on Halloween night? A blood vessel.
What is a vampire's favorite halloween candy? A sucker.
Why didn't anyone want to go trick or treating with Dracula? Because he is a pain in the neck.
Who gives Dracula the most candy on Halloween? His fang-club.
Why don't vampires eat a lot of Halloween candy? They're afraid of tooth decay.
Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
How do vampires start their letters? Tomb it may concern.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
What did the vampire say to his hangry friend? Don’t B-negative. Look for more positive.
Why do vampires have a hard time making friends? Because they are a pain in the neck.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine? Because he was coffin too much.
What's a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.
Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers? They hate stakeholders.
Why are vampires bad at art? They are only able to draw blood.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
What’s a vampire’s least-favorite food? Stake.
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.
How do vampires start their letters? “Tomb it may concern …”
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet? A bloodhound.
What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires? Fangs-giving!
Why are vampires terrible at baseball? Their bats fly away.
What does the vampire's Valentine say? You're just my blood type.
Are any Halloween monsters good at math? No—unless you Count Dracula!
Skeletons
Why did the skeleton run away? Because a dog was after his bones.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain on Halloween? He felt it in his bones.
Why don't skeletons like Halloween candy? They don't have the stomach for it.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no-body to go with.
Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have no body to love.
Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
How do you know a skeleton is sick? He’s coffin.
How many skeletons do you have in your closet? None, but that’s just because the body hasn’t decomposed yet.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
What do skeletons order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie? He didn't have the guts.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow? A numb-skull.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
Where does a skeleton go for a fun night? Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Do you know any skeleton jokes? Yes, but you wouldn't find it very humerus.
What's a skeleton's favorite song? "Bad to the Bone."
Why can't skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs.
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
Where did the skeleton keep his money? In the crypt-o market.
What kind of art do skeletons like? Skulltures.
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument? A trom-bone.
Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school? His heart wasn’t in it.
How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night? Use a skeleton key to unlock the gates!
What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument? A trombone.
What does a French skeleton say? Bone-jour!
Why can’t the skeleton play church hymns? Because she has no organs.
How do you know a cemetery is popular? People are just dying to get in.
How do you know if a skeleton is funny? He has a humerus.
Witches
Why was the witch’s broom late? It over-swept.
Why didn't the mom let the little witch go trick or treating with her friends? She was ex-spelled from school.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing? Get a broom!
What do you call two witches trick or treating together? Broommates
Why shouldn't an angry witch take her broom trick or treating? She might fly off the handle.
What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging? You never know which witch is which!
How did the real estate agent sell a home with a dozen witches in the bathtub? “It comes complete with a self-cleaning coven.”
What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch!
What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
What do you call two witches who live together? Broom-mates!
Why did the witch take a nap? She needed to rest a spell.
Why does a witch ride a broomstick? So she can make a clean getaway.
What's a witch's favorite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
What do witches get when their shoes are too tight? Candy corns.
How does a witch style her hair? With scare spray.
What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts? I don't know, but it's not working.
What do you call a witch with a rash? An itchy-witchy.
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.
What do witches ask for at hotels? Broom service.
How do you make a witch itch? Take away the W.
What do you call a desert-dwelling witch? A sand-witch.
What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
How do you turn off the lights on Halloween? Use the lights witch.
Why do witches wear name tags? So you can tell which witch is witch.
Pumpkins
Why was Cinderella bad at football? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
What's a pumpkin's favorite genre? Pulp fiction.
Why did the pumpkin take a detour? To avoid a seedy part of town.
How do you mend a jack-o'-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie? Your teeth.
How did the jack-o’-lantern become a murderer? He squashed someone.
Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely? The crossing gourd.
Why was the jack-o'-lantern scared? Because it had no guts.
What happens when pumpkins drink alcohol? They get smashed.
Why was the gourd so gossipy? To give 'em pumpkin to talk about.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What does a carved pumpkin celebrate? Hollow-een.
What did the pumpkin say to its carver? Cut it out!
I dropped my pumpkin yesterday. Jack-o-lantern? More like crack-o-lantern!
What's a pumpkin's favorite Western? The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly
Where does a pumpkin preach? From the pulp-it.
How do gourds grow big and strong? Pumpkin iron.
Why did he jack-o-lantern fail out of school? Someone scooped his brains out.
Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid to cross the road? He had no guts.
What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!
Zombies
What is white, black and dead all over? A zombie trick or treating in a tuxedo.
When do zombies finish trick or treating? When they are dead tired.
How did the zombie become great at trick or treating? Dead-ication.
Why don't zombies like pirates? They're too salty.
What's a zombie's favorite weather? Cloudy, with a chance of brain.
What is a zombie’s favorite appetizer? Finger food!
Why did the zombie become a mortician? To put food on the table.
What do you call zombies in pajamas? The sleepwalking dead.
Why aren't zombies ever arrested? They can't be captured alive.
What's a zombie's favorite treat? You might guess brain food, but it's actually eye candy.
What does a zombie call his parents? Mummy and Deady.
What sea do zombies swim in? The dead sea.
What brand of shampoo do zombies use? Head and Shoulders.
Why don't zombies eat popcorn with their hands? They eat their hands separately.
Where do zombies live? On a dead-end street.
What's a zombie's favorite cheese? Zom-brie.
What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love? A zom-com.
What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaains!
How do you know if a zombie likes someone? They ask for seconds.
What kind of bread do zombies like? Whole brain.
What is a zombie sleepover called? Mass grave.
Why didn’t the zombie go to school? He felt rotten.
What did people say when the headless horseman started dating a zombie? He’s lost his head!
Werewolves
Who does a werewolf go trick or treating with? His cousins What wolf and When wolf.
Where do werewolves store all of their Halloween candy? In a werehouse.
Why don't werewolves ever know the time? Because they're not whenwolves.
Monsters
What kind of car does Frankenstein drive on Halloween night? A monster truck.
Who did Frankenstein go trick or treating with? His ghoul friend.
What does Bigfoot say when he asks for candy? "Trick-or-feet!"
What is a monster's favorite halloween candy? Bugs and (Hershey's) kisses.
What is a monster’s favorite dessert? I scream!
What do you call a cheesy Halloween dance? The muenster mash.
Who's the scariest body builder of all time? Dr. Frankenstein.
What kind of monster loves to disco? The boogieman.
What monster plays tricks on Halloween? Prank-enstein!
What do you call a Halloween monster who is really bad at scaring people? A Halloweenie!
Birds
What do birds give to trick or treaters? Tweets.
What does a turkey dress up as on Halloween? A goblin.
What do birds say on Halloween? "Trick or tweet!"
What do owls say when they go trick or treating? "Happy Owl-ween!"
What was the chicken ghost's name? Poultrygeist.
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat? When you’re a bird.
Where do deviled eggs come from? Evil hens.
Treats
What Halloween candy is never on time for the party? Choco-LATE!
What did the child say when they had to choose between their tricycle and candy? Trike or treat.
What do dentists hand out at Halloween? Candy. It's good for business.
What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween? Candy corneas.
Random
What fruit do scarecrows love the most? Straw-berries.
Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.
How do you get rid of demons? Exorcise a lot.
How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know but you really shouldn't be in the dark with a cannibal.
Why was the cemetery chosen to be the perfect location to write a movie? Because it had great plots.
What type of plants do well on all Hallow’s Eve? Bam-BOO!
What is a pause in work at a mortuary called? A coffin break!
Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner? He was already stuffed.
Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story? Because there are so many plots there.
What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween? Wait for it … it will dawn on you.
How do you buy things on the dark web? With crypt-ocurrency!
Knock-Knock Jokes
Knock Knock? Who's there? Iguana. Iguana who? Iguana eat all your candy.
Knock Knock? Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Don't cry, it's only Halloween.
Knock Knock? Who's there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy!
Knock Knock? Who's there? Ivana! Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood!
Knock Knock? Who's there? Orange! Orange who? Orange you glad it's Halloween?
Knock Knock? Who's there? Figs! Figs who? Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!
Knock Knock? Who's there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you has my candy?
Knock Knock? Who's there? Ice cream! Ice Cream who? Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
Knock Knock? Who's there? Eddie! Eddie who? Eddie body home? It's Halloween!
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby Halloween!
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, I’m a friendly ghost!
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood!
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Ooze. Ooze who? Ooze your favorite Halloween monster, and why isn’t it me?
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda go out trick-or-treating with me tonight?
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe give me Halloween candy?
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for your Halloween party!
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are asking all these questions?
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Woo. Woo who? Woo-hoo it’s finally Halloween!
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Witches. Witches who? Witches the way to the haunted house?
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip my Halloween bucket!
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Ima. Ima who? Ima do a trick if you don’t gimme a treat.
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Hans. Hans who? Hans off my candy, Mom!
Knock Knock? Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and answer the door! It’s cold out here.
